just reading...

like i said in my last blog entry, i was reading your previous entries today...

sigh... i just realized how much misery i brought to you... how come i cant just bring you happiness instead =( why do i make life that much harder and that much more drama for you... you said that you want a simple life with less drama... so what have i done =(

i have brought you nothing but drama that you dont need... if only nothing happened between us, then you'd be moving along in your relationship happily, although i truthfully cant say that you and him would be much more happier if i didnt re-enter your life, but at least you would not have anyone to compare him to

ahh... but having said that... i cant let it go... whether or not what happens, i cant bring myself to forget what i have in my heart... please help me, i want you to be happy, but i have to selfishly say that i want to be happy too... argg... see how horrible i am.

you also had another entry saying that you never tell anyone to wait for someone in another relationship, all i have to say is that i am very stubborn, i dont listen to advice that well...

please allow me to be selfish and dont hate me for it... or maybe you can hate me... hate me that i m ruining what you have... hate me that i've caused you this unnecessary drama, i dont know what i'm saying anymore

i always say i just want you to be happy, but i keep ruining that happiness that you've gathered... i too am a liar and selfish...

sorry


*i apologize for this depressing entry, but i've currently entered this slump... hopefully i'll eventually pick myself up*

going back...

ahh... just cant seem to find anyone to talk about the way i feel right now =( trying to figure out how to get out of this slump... i find myself reading your past entries on your blog... there was one where you listed the memories that you had with us together...but there was one that stood out for me for our memories......

there was one time... a LONG time ago, almost back to when we first met. there was a time when i was just surfing the internet (or doing something)) on my computer. out of the corner of my eye i thought i saw a black car drove by, then the first thing i thought of was you, then i decided to to give you a call... it turns out that it was you. i called you, then i totally forgot what happened afterwards...

i dont know, at that time i felt like we were really spiritually connected for that one moment... i dont know why at that time i felt that there was something special...

that alone is one of the most special memories that i have with you

i really want you to know what i thought was a special moment between us too

instant distance...

sigh... got back to real life today... everything seems to take longer today for some strange unknown reason

missed having you around, missed the food you cooked, missed the funky alarm, missed fixing your cover when you are sleeping, even missed us getting mad at each other...

today just felt like a big chunk of me was left behind in switzerland... call me crazy, but i was reading your older blog entries today, just because i wanted to feel as though we are a little bit closer than we are now...

like i told my zebra friend, once you get the taste, even a sample of soemthing, going on without it seems that much harder...

dont know if i make any sense now, combination of fatigue and wendys is bad combo...

over the atlantic i go..

good byes are sad... even with prospect of meeting up with you soon... (as in 2 months) but i dont want to be selfish... and i know that you really want to go to greece... and with both marias going in june... if you choose to go to greece in june i won't blame you... since i just want you to be happy but just lemme know what your decision is ... =D either i'll understand cuz i'm such an understanding person hahaha i know i'm the best *wink*

well i'm back in toronto now, the only thing i could think of was to have this entry into my blog... i'll keep this blog only for you, and i'll make another blog for the general public

i know you've seen me smile for no reason a lot of the time during my stay, but i smile because i see something that i consider as perfection...thank you for making me smile....

sigh... today was really sad... like i said... i hate good byes and when i was listening to my iphone, when we were landing in toronto, i heard the song *yao ghon ching* by leo ku then suddenly i felt tears rushing to my eyes... it took me a while to realize the reason why i was so sad is because i was unconsciously listening to the music and how it says that friendship is forever... altho i am really happy that we are best friends... but part of me is extremely sad because moving forward our relationship is best friends + gorgor... i guess i need to be less selfish... and think about others too

i guess the tears will eventually stop flowing when i learn to fully accept this relationship between us... me as your gorgor...

but until then... altho i'm happy to see you and hear your voice, but everytime i hear those 2 words, my hearts feels like another stab.. although this is the first time u know this, dont let this change anything, continue calling me gorgor... because i need to learn to accept it...

thank you for understanding...

and i will post the pictures with u in them on this blog... so that u can get them...

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changing name back... to Apologies, Regrets, Cheers and Optimism =P








sorry if the picture quality is only so so

change for the better?? / Relegation

officially changing my blog from :

Apologies, Regrets, Cheers and Optimism

to

Writings in the sky

(need time to think of something better, cause i just pulled that outta my ass =D, might change it to something more meaningful next time )



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so this is how it feels like to sent to the minors...

(dam this actually sucks, i guess you control whats in your power and let other things fall into place) =P

ahh..... i need new glasses??

sigh... just when i thought i turned the corner, it just hit me again...

hindsight is 20/20... but my foresight sucks like hell =(((

ahh... why does my foresight suck so much =((((( who and where do i go to get a better prescription.... sigh...where can i go to stop making stupid decisions

gahhhh wanna exchange summer for autumn.... =P (just me being too greedy)



SOS!!!!!

today is different from yesterday

things change... its just a matter if the change is temporary or permanent...







will provide MEGA post when back to canada =D

long way from home...precisely 8hrs and 30mins of flight to la SWISS

so here i am... half way around the world and just beginning to set into the things around me... so many things are different over here, almost to the point where i was surprised to see things that were similar, like how the cars were driven on the left hand side, how similar the supermarkets look and snow =D haha

speaking of which, its definitely cooler on this side.. a different kind of cold from toronto.. but its nice...

now the people here are completely different, maybe its just my perception that i'm at a different location and i perceive them to be different, but the thing is that they seem more sophisticated and not very north american like hahaha

will update when i hv new thoughts =D

just blurbbing...

OMGGGG i've been having this urge to buy a car recently... =( its soooo bad because i need to save up for more important stuff ... but its so tempting, been visiting car dealer sites almost everyday... kind of torn between thinking about getting a used car or a new car... people are telling me to go for a new one, but i think i can get a better bang for my bucks with a used one

i guess i just need to be patient about it... hopefully i'll be able to get the car in 2 yrs =( it seems soooooo long, but then i just keep telling myself that i'll buy it straight out instead of financing...ahh.... i think all guys go thru this phase of wanting a car but cant afford one hahaha so its normal =D

and i've planned out the bones of my euro-trip... so hopefully the details will fall into place soon... cant wait... my friend also advise me that i should learn at least a few words of german... maybe i'll get some under my belt when i have the chance... =D